This past week, I learned something priceless about how being the light of the world doesn't only mean letting people see your good deeds.
In response to a post I made expressing gratitude for my family and friends on Thanksgiving, an acquaintance of mine decided to address me with some ugly words ("phony," "monster," "grotesque" etc.) as he believes that celebrating Thanksgiving glorifies the slaughter of animals and the genocide of Native Americans.
And then, he decided to follow up by going right for the emotional jugular and offering his opinion on the "real" reasons I was involved with Tent City.
My initial response was to ignore and dismiss everything he said as the ramblings of a bitter, self-hating individual who had clearly lost any connection to reality. But just as a stopped clock is right twice a day, there was some element of truth amid even his most vicious lies. Things that have, indeed, made me feel at least embarrassed.
Ultimately, I decided to respond by directly addressing his accusations, and making it clear that I would not continue the discussion until he was able to get a grip on his anger.
Ever hear the song "Secrets" by Mary Lambert? The first part goes like this:
I've got bipolar disorder
My shit's not in order
I'm overweight, I'm always late
I've got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings, my family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are
So what...so what...so what...
I love it because all of the above (except for the part about the cat earrings) applies to me.
And, yeah. SO WHAT.
Perhaps there's someone else out there who has had a similar experience and your story helps them feel less alone, even empowered. And if you own your truth - including your transgressions, your flaws, and your pain - no one can use it to hurt you.
By all means, stay safe. But don't be afraid to fly that freak flag now and then. Because your darkness might be a light for someone else along the way. Because a truly open heart has both an entrance to let others in and an exit to let yourself out.
Let it shine. All of it.
